So Who Is Little Roo?

Well... I don't even know *who* Little Roo is yet.

Little Roo is our child.

I've asked God to bring me Little Roo. I've asked my OB/GYN, Chiropractor, Acupuncturist, and Reproductive Endocronologist to help me get Little Roo. But so far, no luck.

I must say that I've always wanted to be a mom. It has been my secret passion for as long as I can remember. I always took for granted that when Bill and I were ready for Little Roo, then we'd have one just like everyone does. No one in my family appears to have any fertility problems, so certainly it would never happen to me. But it has.

Bill and I are planners. We wanted to be prepared in everyway possible to be ready for Little Roo. We got a dog, the perfect pal for Little Roo. Then we got a cat, well only because she needed a safe home and she has turned out to be dog's little friend. We bought Little Roo a house and painted a waiting bedroom the happiest shade of blue. Then we bought Little Roo a safe vehicle to ride around in. We've read books and talked to other parents about raising a Little Roo. We made sure dog was gentle with any Little Roo. We bought Little Roo presents of books and blankets and toys.

We were ready for Little Roo. So we eagerly waited.

And we waited. This month would be the perfect time for Little Roo, we'd say. But each time, we'd be disappointed. We went on far away vacations and surely Little Roo likes vacations too, and would appear then. But Little Roo did not.

And we waited some more. Surely Little Roo likes birthdays and anniversaries and holidays, and would appear on a special date. But Little Roo did not.

We tried to forget about Little Roo and all the waiting. Surely Little Roo likes surprises and would come when we least expected it. But Little Roo did not.

So we are still waiting. We talk about Little Roo every day and imagine all the things we'd like to do when Little Roo is here.

Why does our family feel so empty? Why does my heart ache?

OK, so this was my true confession and it's out for all to know. We've kept this big secret regarding trying to conceive for years as we would have liked nothing more than to completely surprise our family with a "We're pregnant!!". I don't want to keep it a secret any more as much as it scares me. I don't like answering questions about when we are having a family with "it's not the right time yet". It is the right time but things are not working out in our favor.

So Little Roo - where are you??