The Full Story, Part I

Here's the full story. It's pretty fresh in my mind so the details are still here, so better than never.

The last post I had here was from Wednesday, the 25th. D had called me to say that she had been in the hospital twice earlier that week. I was very concerned that she did not contact me nor her social worker "R" to at least say "G is taking me to the hospital, I do not feel well, I will contact you with more details soon." I thought maybe I was being too possessive and detail-oriented over this whole process since we were starting to get down to the wire. This didn't sit well with me at all but I didn't want it to get me down. On the phone that afternoon, when I mentioned that we needed to discuss when she wanted Bill and I to travel up there, she said she would think about it but that she had to go. Nothing was strange about that at all. I had high hopes of her calling me back to make a plan.

Friday, the 27th, I still had no phone calls from D. I was getting a little anxious. We were a little over a week away from when we thought we would travel and we were trying to make plans with work, a hotel, our pets, coordinating all sorts of things. At the end of the day, I left a very light message on her phone - "We're thinking of you and we'll have to talk next week! If I don't hear from you, I hope you have a great weekend!" I really tried to push my fears to the background.

Sunday, the 29th, I had posted a message to my FF group that I hadn't heard anything else from D since Wednesday but it was rare to hear from them over a weekend. I was sure I'd hear from them in the week.

Monday, the 30th, I posted this message to my FF group:

Hey guys... it was a pretty quiet weekend around here.

I've been slowly packing up all the stuff we need to take with us - the baby bag, mounds of papers, get the laptop loaded with our work access, cameras, everything!

We've been doing movies and dinners with all our friends while we are still "child-free". It's a nice distraction too! Cleaning the house a bunch helps as well.

At this point, we're planning on leaving Sunday (the 3rd) after my brother comes here to pick up our pets for the week. Maybe it will be sooner, but as far as I know, D hasn't been back in the hospital! We're hoping to be back on Thursday or Friday but we'll see.

I appreciate all the good thoughts! The 2 days in the hospital waiting for them to sign the rest of the papers will be the worst.

Tuesday, the 31st, I left this message for my FF group, admitting that I started having serious doubts of the outcome:

I'm not having a good day. I haven't talked to D since last Wednesday and the social worker left her a message yesterday too. She was supposed to call me back about when she wanted us to come see her. I'm so bummed. We don't know what to do and on one hand, there is nothing for us to do. We're preparing ourselves for the worst case scenario and I hate it.

I keep saying that if it isn't meant to be, then it's not. We'll get put back into the agency and we'll get our baby when the time is right. It's just a very strange period.

I really tried to think positively and hope for the best, but in this situation it is good to prepare that the outcome will not be as expected. Luckily, I was looking forward to a good distraction on Wednesday. The class that I am helping lead was going on a field trip to another one of our offices to learn more about the business/customer end of our products. My good friend Katherine picked me up early Wednesday morning as we decided that both of us did not need to drive downtown.

We found somewhere to park the car and we saw the building where we were meeting the class to start the tour at 9am. I got out of the car and my phone started ringing. It was the social worker, R. I was pretty relieved as I was going to call her that afternoon and say that I hadn't heard from D in a week and I'm at a loss what to do next. So I'm standing in the parking lot, behind Katherine's car, and R tells me that D is in the hospital. Not only that, but the baby was born too. It was a blur and I was trying to comprehend everything she was telling me. She said she knew the baby was around 5 pounds and she was currently on her way up north to get the full story. D had called R the previous evening, but she was pretty out of it, didn't want to upset us until she had a better handle of the situation knowing that we wouldn't have been able to sleep and that would not have benefitted anyone. R also told me that D conveyed that G was having second thoughts about the adoption. She did not sound concerned as she hoped it would all get straightened out as soon as she arrived at the hospital. They probably needed some guidance and reassurance and she would keep me posted.

I was in shock. Katherine figured out right away that something was going on but apparently I didn't have much to say on the phone. I was just taking it all in. Katherine said I was very calm. We checked in for our tour and then I stepped outside to call Bill. Told him everything that I could remember and that I would call him back with a status as I knew it. While waiting for our tour to begin, Bill called back and asked what we were doing with the pets. I could tell he was stressed. I said we have a plan for that and it will be taken care of. Then we went proceeded with the tour, which was a great distraction for me at the time.

After the tour, we took the class to lunch. Another perfect distraction. R called during our lunch and said that she made it to the hospital and that she had spent some time with D. She was having some pain management issues and it really sounded like the hospital was trying to discharge D that afternoon. The baby was being held in the NICU but she hadn't talked to any of the staff to get more details. R said that she was currently taking a break for lunch so D could rest and they knew that G was going to be at the hospital in the afternoon. As soon as she knew something more, she'd call back. She asked if it would be OK for D to call me if she needed to talk. I said of course, yes. Katherine and I finished up lunch with everyone and we drove back into the office.

A little before 3pm, D called me and asked if I could call back on the hospital phone so they both could talk to me. D answered and didn't exactly sound like herself. I could only imagine how stressed she was. At one point she started crying and asked if I could talk to G. Immediately I could tell the G was very worked up. He said the hospital staff was not being very nice to her, she was having problems with pain, no one was listening to them, the hospital was pushing D out of the hospital, the baby was 5 pounds, 11 ounces, 18 inches long, "she looks exactly like me and has brown curly hair", they asked R to step out so they could talk privately, they wanted to call me even though R said they shouldn't (I don't know why they had that impression, I know it wasn't true), he wasn't having any doubts, he was going to sign all the papers because they have been comfortable with Bill and I all along, and that he was trying to work out a financial issue with the agency. I did a lot of listening and tried to keep my calm, reassuring voice. He said that something had come to light in the last week and they felt that they were not getting the money that they were promised and if they knew then what they knew now, it might have had made a difference in their decision. I was very very lost and I said that I hoped he could get something worked out. He reassured me that he was going to sign the papers but again stressed that the money issue was a huge deal for them.

R called me an hour later and said that D was being discharged from the hospital. They were going to see the baby in the NICU and then go get the prescriptions filled and R was going to meet them at their apartment at 6:30pm to sign all the consents. I couldn't believe it! I told R about the conversation I had with G and that it seemed like there was a monetary issue that was holding up the show. R said as far as she was concerned, there was nothing that could be done and she didn't tell us about it because there was nothing we were going to be able to do about it. We were all pretty confident at this point that things were going to go through. I talked to another social worker about what we knew about the baby and I said that we were going to go home, pack up our stuff, get a good night's sleep, and head up in the morning. We wanted to see D and G and give them all the things that we had for them like the necklace we had purchased. Most of all we couldn't wait to hold our little girl! We were told that the more the baby had physical contact and nurturing, the faster she could get out of the NICU.

D called as she was leaving the hospital and said they were heading to the NICU to see the baby. We knew that G had visited her once and fed her in the NICU and that D would be seeing her for the first time. It was a good sign to us that they hadn't been spending a lot of time with her and bonding. She said R was coming over that night so they could sign the consents. I said that we were coming up in the morning and we'd love to stop by and visit with them when they were up for it. It was all very promising. I could tell she was tired and I said even though it seemed like she was being released a little too early, the good side is that is probably going to get much more rest at home without anyone coming in turning on the lights and waking her up. I called Bill to come pick me up from work. We were very excited!

When we got home, I started a load of laundry and finished packing all the baby supplies to put in the car. We took a breather and turned on the TV. We knew that the time was getting close and it was hard to believe that the waiting was coming to a close so much quicker than I thought. We decided that we were not going to alert our family about the events until we knew for sure that the papers were signed. It had been a crazy day for us, and we didn't want to drag more hearts into it yet. A little before 6pm, D called. She said they were at Walgreens trying to get her prescriptions filled and the pharmacy didn't have any record of them. G was freaking out, D was standing in the store, in pain, crying. She said G was having more doubts about the adoption and that she wanted to ask if we were willing to let them still see the baby after placement for birthdays and maybe that would make a difference. D was sure that adoption was still the way to go but she couldn't do anything without G on board. I assured her that we want to maintain contact with them and that the pharmacy would work everything out in a few minutes. D asked if they could have another 24 hours to think. As much as it pained me to do so, I said that we will give them the time and space they need without hesitation. I said I knew that they both needed some rest and after a good night's sleep they would feel much better.

That phone call was so disappointing. I couldn't believe how close we had come and now it felt like it was slipping away. I had faith that they needed some time and space and certainly good rest since they had been in the hospital since at least Sunday night. I called R and told her that they were still at Walgreens, G was having a meltdown, and D asked us for 24 more hours. She sounded pretty disappointed, as much as we were I'm sure. R called me again about half an hour later and said that she was staying in a hotel for the night and she hoped things would be better in the morning. She said she was going to start calling D around 8am and hopefully G would be in a much better mood. We were told to stay put and wait it out. We continued with our packing and we knew it was going to be a very, very long night.

At 9pm, G called. Again, I did a lot of listening, not a lot of talking. G was going on and on about the money issue with the agency. He said it probably would have changed their original decision because they are so strapped financially and this "shortage" hurts them a lot. They made plans to pay off a lot of their debt that they owed. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This doesn't make any sense to me. G said that he was very upset that some of their expenses were not going to be reimbursed. OK, I can understand that. However, I fail to understand how keeping the baby is going to help with their financial problems. After several more minutes of talking how this was hurting them financially, he said that they were feeling pressured by R to sign the consents. I really don't think this is the case and R has been very careful all day to do what needs to be done. I said R was not trying to pressure them and I apologize if they have felt that way and we understand that they have been through a very traumatic experience. G was really wound up, I was surprised they both had not collapsed from exhaustion yet. All rational thinking and logical reasoning had gone out the window. He handed the phone to D. She sounded so tired. I told her that she needs to get a good night's sleep and each day will get better. She said she would call me in the morning. I told her that I knew R was going to call her in the morning but if she needed anything, she needed to call me. I didn't care what time it was or what it was about. She said thank you for being so amazing. I said we think they are amazing and I said that I hoped to be with them soon so I could give them lots of hugs.

After all that, I called R. She definitely needed to know how D and especially G was feeling. She appreciated to know that they thought they were being pressured and it was going to help with how she was going to contact them in the morning. We both thought after a good night's sleep, everything would be a little more clear and hopefully they would be on board and sign the consents. Bill and I didn't know what to do. We turned on the TV and tried to distract ourselves. It was going to be a long, long night of worry and anticipation.

That was Wednesday in a nutshell... I will write part II shortly. I'm glad I did this... it will be helpful for someone. Maybe just me.