Bill had his company Christmas party on Friday night. The partners of the business rented a limo to drive us all around to dinner and then bar hopping afterwards. It sounds like a good plan in theory. We showed up to his co-worker's (L) house when we were supposed to and left my truck at her place. A *huge* stretch Ford Excursion picked us up and took us off to dinner.
First of all, the reason why we have a limo to begin with is because all of these people are big drinkers. Me... not so much. Last year's party ended up with people taking cabs home because there was too much fun going on. As soon as the limo left L's house, the drinks started flowing and we're just driving down the street to the restaurant! Dinner was pretty good... not really my kind of place, but it's a trendy place in South Tampa. Bill and I ordered mohito's because we never had them before and everytime we think to order one, where we are doesn't make them fresh. I wasn't too impressed. The beginning of the sip hits you with sweet and mint, the end of the sip tastes like gasoline. Yuck! I even had a raspberry mohito hoping the fruit juice would tame some of the alcohol taste... no such luck. We ordered what we were wanting to share and of course there was a lot of seafood on the menu. It was very difficult to hear everyone because we were in a converted cigar factory building and my salad ended up being stolen by "Miss Thing" because I wasn't fast enough when the waiter came out with it.
Miss Thing is the date of Bill's co-worker J. She had fake plastic hair extensions and of course, she's a bleached blonde. I thought she had some other fake "assets" but later in the evening she was telling and SHOWING everyone that her girls were indeed real. Within 15 minutes, J was pretty annoyed by her and she was talking about how much she wanted kids and blah blah blah. Unfortunately I was sitting close to her at dinner so I got to hear it all. I spent most of dinner laughing to myself because it is hard for me to believe that anyone is THAT dumb. It has to be an act.
Dinner led to the bar upstairs for more drinks. There was not a bloody mary to be found in the place and didn't have my ginger ale as a stand-by so I sat that one out. Everyone was starting to get a little tipsy by now. My coworker told me to not worry about drinking and to enjoy watching everyone else getting trashed and they won't even notice that I was not drinking. Usually I am not concerned by anything this trivial, but for the past week, it has been a topic every night when Bill has gotten home from work. Apparently everyone was extremely concerned that I would probably not be drinking and for the life of me, I can't figure out why anyone even cares. Clearly I would not have fun if I weren't drinking... puh-leeze. And now that everyone knows that we are adopting, I can't use my normal excuse of not drinking because there is a CHANCE I might be pregnant.
After Miss Thing cried that she was getting cold because she barely had a shirt one, we piled into the limo and it was off to the next bar. Bill's boss ordered me a bloody mary and I was happy to start drinking it. Miss Thing's act was starting to annoy me and it wasn't so funny any more. She was desperately trying to get some attention. I took a table with boss' wife (BW) and we have always gotten along very well. Their first child is adopted so we talked a lot about that. We both had about 3 sips of our drinks when Miss Thing came over with shot glasses of something for us. I didn't really care what it was, I wasn't going to drink it and neither was BW. She was pretty out of it already and then we got to hear her big story about how she was going to be turning 30 in January and she was so depressed. She went on and on and on.... BW and I just looked at each other and I hoped I could wiggle my nose and she would disappear. I still don't believe she is going to be 30... more like 40. Maybe that is what happens to you when you are big party person. BW and I are the same age so we thought it was pretty comical that she looks much older than either of us when she isn't! It's probably pretty horrible of me that I'm even talking about her, but this is my blog.... someday I will come back to read this and I'll be still laughing about this night.
I had about 2 more sips of my bloody mary when we were ordered to move onto the next bar. Uh.... OK, glad I didn't pay for these drinks. I'm sure it was around 9pm at this point. There was a lot of night left. So we went to the next place. I got a ginger ale and decided to enjoy the rest of the show. Things were just starting to get interesting. BW and I were still trying to continue our conversation. Bill was having a good time with all his co-workers. I can tell they really like him a lot. Miss Thing was feeling a little left out and decided this was the perfect time to show everyone her thong. I'm sorry but if you're a lady, you don't do this. Especially not in front of your date's bosses and co-workers. Have some class. She's from Manhattan I found out and silly me, I had expected someone much more mature. I was thinking we all been out of college for a long enough time.
Then we piled into the limo for yet another bar. I was still doing OK at this point, but I knew that I was probably coming to my limit of dealing with intoxicated idiots at some point fairly quickly. Our group was still doing fine, with the exception of Miss Thing, and they are all our friends so of course, I was keeping an eye on everyone. It was all the other idiots that I was worried about. Bill's boss got me another ginger ale and I decided that my one mohito and 5 sips of bloody mary a few hours ago was enough for me. I was going to make sure that I was going to get home safely although we were told to take a cab home and the boss would pay for it. I'm not thrilled about taking cabs anywhere, but at least it was an option and I appreciate the thought. This bar was much more crowded but it was getting to be later in the evening, 10:30 or so, and this is when everyone starts coming out for "fun". I was still doing OK for as crowded it was. I was talking with most everyone and just hanging out. Then I decided that I was going to use the restroom and this is when things started going downhill. My BIGGEST problem is with NASTY bathrooms and this one ranked high up there on the nasty scale. Even Bill said the men's restroom was like a frat house bathroom and as bad as I can imagine it was, it was probably worse.
When I came back out, this intoxicated young guy decided that he was going to dance with me and wouldn't let me pass to get back to our group. I gave him a look that told him I was not amused and if he would have continued 5 more seconds with his arms up over my head waving them around, my knee would have been square in his crotch. Luckly for him, let me by finally. I got back to Bill and told him my patience was starting to wear thin and that he could find me outside. I just needed to get away from all the crazy people. Outside was much better even though people were smoking (no smoking inside per state law). Miss Thing and J went into the limo. Of course I assumed the worst.... but apparently she was not feeling well. Then the call came to round up the pack and move on to the next stop. It was time for midnight sushi... I really didn't see this turning out well but back into the limo we went. Miss Thing was passed out in the very back seat. Hahahaha... way to make a good impression girlfriend. By the way, she was really trying to get herself a job with Bill's boss as some PR person. What office totalling 5 people needs a PR person? Like that would ever happen.
The sushi place was packed and it was well after midnight. The limo left to go take J and Miss Thing home. I had reached my limit and I was getting very annoyed. Having a limo was nice in the beginning, now I was trapped. I was at the mercy of the crowd. My truck was who knows where at L's house somewhere in South Tampa. I had no idea where I was. I was contemplating getting a cab to take us back to L's house so I could get in my car and go home, but I didn't know exactly what street L's house was on. Bill had driven over and unfortunately I was not paying good enough attention to know how to get back. I remembered the house number on her door but that was going to do me no good. I had stopped drinking 3 hours ago... Bill was still going strong. We grabbed a table when some people got up and sat down. The waitress brought us all glasses of water and I happily drank that and tried to figure out how to get home. I told Bill that I really had had enough and it was after midnight. We've been doing this for 6 hours now. Everyone was pretty trashed, they wouldn't care if we left or not if they still wanted to keep partying. Bill said we're a few blocks from L's house. He knew exactly where we were and we'd walk back to get my truck in a few minutes.
Then the real fun began. Bill's boss brought over shots... Bill thought they were vodka shots but we find out later they were lemon drops. Of course, I'm not doing one... I'm so close to being free of all this hell. I look at Bill and say "You're not really going to drink that are you? Are you sure you want to do that?" Bill has a past of not doing so well after taking some shots. And he drank it. I'm not really sure how much he drank over the course of the evening. Not more than 3 minutes later, Bill's eyes are glazed over and he has that look on his face. He said, "I'm done." Thank God - let's say our good-bye's and get the heck out of here. It took a few minutes to get him out of the chair and we told everyone that we were done for the evening, thank you for a wonderful time, etc, and we went outside. The limo was sitting outside waiting for the group. Bill stood on the sidewalk, looked up and down the street, and said "Where the **** are we?" Oh crap.
Some other people in our party said they were heading to Whiskey Park next. I knew that was down the street from L's house so we got back into the limo. J was back... he had dropped off Miss Thing at his apartment and carried her up 3 flights of stairs. I guess he decided he was coming back to join the party. While we were waiting for everyone else to get in, Bill opened the door into traffic and got out. Then proceeded to head for the back of the limo and threw up on the ground. Ah... Merry Christmas. After several minutes of this, he climbs back in and we are off to the next stop.
We picked up some of J's friends along the way and were finally at Whiskey Park. Bill's boss decided to take him and his wife home and the limo would drop us off back at L's house. Bill gets sick again and we have to wait several minutes until he is able to get himself back together again. Instead of taking us down the street a few blocks to L's house, Bill's boss wants to be dropped off first several miles away. I was praying Bill wasn't going to throw up all over me before we were back at my truck. Bill kept saying he knew how to get back to L's house, but it was pretty apparent to me that he didn't really know.
Bill's boss was able to tell the limo driver what the cross streets to L's house. I assured the limo driver that I would be driving us home because for some reason, he assumed that Bill would be trying to drive. When we got close enough, I could see my truck and we were finally done with this trip. I couldn't wait to get home... I was pretty annoyed how the evening had turned out. We were making good time and we only had to pull over once to let Bill get sick again in some parking lot. I asked him to close the door while he was making horrible noises but he didn't, so I just turned up the stereo really loud. I also made him strip down in the laundry room before he got all the way into the house. Who knew how much "stuff" he had on his shoes and pant legs... yuck.
Another party down... another one on Saturday night. Let the fun roll on...
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