Profile Woes

Putting together the family profile has by far been the hardest part of this journey. It's so important because it is the first impression of us. I can see why people stop here and decide not to go any further. There is a lot of pressure on this. You are literally selling yourself on 4 pieces of paper or less.

I'm sure that I'm putting more pressure on myself than I need to. I know I can be overly critical, especially when it comes to me. How can you not be? Luckily the book that I bought about creating the "Dear Birthparent" letter keeps reminding me that ultimately we will be matched with the situation that is meant to be. A mom will pick us for US. This is what I need to remember, but I am getting very bent out of shape about this whole profile business. It bothered me all weekend and it ticked me off even more to know that it was bothering me so much.

Do we look fun enough? Are we "pretty" enough, responsible enough, interesting enough?? Do we look like parent material?

These are the questions running through my head constantly. This whole process is playing on all my insecurities. I'm getting that sick feeling in my stomach that this isn't something I'm going to be able to fix.

Jon was over yesterday and he could tell how distressed I was about the whole situation. The cruise pictures that I had were turning out very noisy when I scanned them. Nothing I was trying was working. Jon offered to take a "family" picture of us along with Biscuit. We think she's our deal maker!! Who could resist a cute dog?? The resulting picture we are going to use on the last page of the profile, which is the actual "Dear Birthparents" page. Jon took the other cruise pictures back home with him and worked on them with his equipment. He sent them back last night in a format that we could submit to the graphics company. He is an amazing brother and I am so thankful that he is willing to go out of his way to help me when I'm in a hole.

I had several conversations with "S" today about what was returned to us. She reiterated several times that she loves our text and I should be very pleased that I don't any major rewrites there, but we have to make sure that someone stops to read the text. First impressions are key and people are very visual. I sent her the new pictures that we were thinking about adding to get her opinion before I they were submitted. She liked them a lot. Her biggest concern is that Bill doesn't have a big toothy grin when he is getting his picture taken. If she only knew the challenge of making sure his eyes are open for photos!! Thank goodness for digital photography or who knows what we would have to send! I look at the pictures and can tell that he is smiling. For "S", she does not get the same impression. Ugh... this stinks!

Well, the final agreement is to change the first and last photo with the new ones along with the few text changes and submit the changes back to the graphics company. This is the best we have at this point, and if we ever want to become active with the agency, this is it. We'll be conscious to take more pictures over the next few months and if our profile isn't getting a lot of exposure, we'll pay to have some new photos put in. I can live with this and I have to have faith that someone will like us for us. Getting Bill to smile like a goofy person is going to make him look unnatural and that will cause a whole new set of comments.

Hopefully they will be a little more speedy with these changes than with the first proof. Once the profile is marked complete in the system, we'll have our contracts for activation. We are so close... yet I feel so discouraged. I know I'm driving everyone around me crazy as well... I'm sorry!