Mixed Emotions

I should title this "Mixed Emotions, Part 1" because I KNOW that it will be up and down for a long time. Some days I'm up for it, some days I'm not.

We had a rush of unexpected emotions come up after our lunch meeting on Friday. As wonderful it was to meet D and G in person and as much as we prepared ourselves for these possible confusing feelings, it was still a bit of a shock to actually feel them. The birth parents are real, the baby is real, and a lot of that reality just came rushing in at once.

We recognize that we are going to laugh with them and eventually cry with them and watch them grieve for the loss of their daughter. My heart breaks for them because we know how much they love their child and I am reallly trying to put myself in their shoes. It is not a day that I am looking forward to even though it will be the day that she begins her life as our daughter.

I wish that I could skip over all that, but that's not possible. This is part of the process and it is something we must do.

D and G are going through a rough patch with their jobs and living situation. In the last few days they have bounced from one place to another and now they are on their way out of town for a few weeks to stay with some family. Needless to say, this caught me by surprise, but I can understand that they felt like they had no where else to go. It's not like they are going to call us for help. D called and said that they were going out of town for a while and she didn't sound upset at all, so perhaps this is a good thing for them right now. I will continue to keep in touch with her on the phone and just keep it cool like all along. Her social worker asked her questions and D assured her that they were only going for a few weeks and then coming back well before the baby is due. She is still planning on delivering here.

I don't want to worry. All I can say to D and G is that I hope they have a good visit and they know how to find us when they want to talk. I'll continue to do what I've always done by keeping in touch every week or two just to see how they are doing and to let them know we are thinking of them. I can't imagine what it feels like to ask myself "Oh geez, what are we going to do now?" Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.